Songtime With Ryan

One night at the house, the Real World Brooklyn roommates spent some time together sitting and listening to Ryan Conklin sing some of his music. It was reminiscent of a time long ago before television and radio, when families would come together and sing parlor songs like "I Want A Girl (Just Like the Girl That Married Dear Old Dad)" or "A Pretty Girl Is Like A Melody". Of course now songs are much less gracious and more direct about what a guy thinks about his girl. An example of this would be the song that Ryan sang that night that he simply entitled, "Whore".

Ryan chose to sing that song after Chet Cannon (hopelessly) said that he needed to find a girl that night since he was long overdue. Ryan told Chet to pay attention to the lyrics of his song and avoid meeting a girl like the one described in it.

Ryan tried to do the setup bit before he started singing, saying that the song was about a girlfriend of his from long ago. In the audience, Baya Voce unintentionally started to heckle him, saying that she thought that Ryan had said that his current girlfriend was his first. Perhaps expecting and being prepared for a more conventional heckle like, "How long was it? Woot!", Ryan instead stared at her and coldly explained to Baya, "It doesn't mean that I've never like tried with people and they cheated on me. And this is one of those instances." Hanging on to her buzzkill, Baya morosely lamented, "It's okay. I've been cheated on before too. Like, a lot of times."

Ryan tried to get back on his game by saying, "This is how I take vengeance. I write music to f' them up." He made a mental note to write a particularly nasty song in the future called "Baya", about a girl that interrupted his song setup with personal questions.

Then he begins to sing the lyrics of the song about his mythical bad girlfriend:

There's a woman with no heart over there.
There's a woman with no heart over there.
She'll break you down and leave you in despair,
And take your money and all that you wear.
Oh, there's a woman with no heart, over there.

She'll tell you you're her one true love.
She'll tell you you're her one true love.
There is no else that's above.
You're the one that she won't get rid of.
She'll tell you you're her one, true love.

Oh, please tell me,
That we can clearly see,
What a whore she seems to be.
Instead of one love, she's got three.
I'll tell you one thing none of them, will be me.

There's a woman who lies all the time.
There's a woman who lies all the time.
Those "I love you's" aren't worth a dime.
I can't believe I once called you mine.
There's a woman who lies all the time.

You talk about the future ahead.
You talk about the future ahead.
But she sleeps around instead.
She even used your bed.

And you're wishing that whore ("anybody?") was dead!

Oh, please tell me,
That we can clearly see,
What a whore she seems to be.
Instead of one love, she's got three.
I'll tell you one thing none of them, will be me.

("This is the soft pretty part. Yes, it's a ballad.")

You can head on off to war.
You can head on off to war.
That's when the B|TCH, she turns into a whore,
And makes them porns that are hard-core.
You can head on off to war.

Oh, please tell me,
That we can clearly see,
What a whore she seems to be.
Instead of one love, she's got three.
I'll tell you one thing none of them, will be me. Or me! Or me! Or me! Or me!

("I'm not done yet!")

She did the dude that had the clap.
The twin brothers who work at the gap.
She did the dude that always farted.
She did the dude that looked retarded.
She did the dude that studied with her.
She did the dude that looked like Hitler.
She did the dude with the pink shorts on.
She did the dude that smell's like Bugs 'B' Gone.
She probably even slept with you
Your father and your brother too
F'ing whores!

Is it believable that an actual girl ever cheated on Ryan? What girl would ever want to be with anyone else if she already had him? The inspiration for the song probably came from the experiences of Army buddies, but it sounded better to Ryan to introduce it as something personal.

It's clear that Ryan Conklin loves to entertain an audience. Set him on the stage at a bar and let the liquor flow.


Videos of Ryan Conklin songs.